On Monday I had a really brilliant talk with personal energy management expert, Monica Milas, on my bi-monthly radio show. We were discussing a topic which is really close to my heart – how to set healthy boundaries using EFT.

Monica talked about energy-draining behaviours that were developed in childhood to keep us safe which then grow into unconscious patterns in adulthood which are not useful. These include pleasing/placating, avoiding, blaming, or rationalizing.

I felt like I could have talked to Monica for hours! She was giving such rich information, and a lot of light bulbs were going off for me – occasions when I’d blamed someone, completely avoided a situation, or put myself second in order to please “them”. All ways, in my subconscious mind, of setting boundaries, when in fact, I was just building walls.

Does that sound familiar?

I was reminded of a talk I gave in February, “Finding Your Voice Using EFT” at the Tappers Gathering in Washington. It fits in so well with what Monica was discussing with me because it was all about setting boundaries. I wanted to share with you the exercise I showed the audience, plus the tapping we did together as a group.

• Take pen & paper
• Take a moment to consider: Who, in your past, were you unable to say “no” to?
• Think of a specific time when you couldn’t say “no” to this person
• Give that time a title
• Write down how you felt at the time
• Why did you feel that way…was it a look…was it a gesture…or specific words?
• What did that mean to you?
• Can you recall how your body felt in that moment?
• What beliefs were created in that moment?

Write down all the information and keep the picture in your mind as you tap using the following as a guide:

Even though I was afraid I’d offend them if I said “no”, I want to accept myself anyway

Even though I believed they wouldn’t love me if I said “no”, I want to accept all of me, especially the part of me which had to say “yes”

Even though it was easier to compromise, I want to forgive myself for doing my best

Even though I felt uncomfortable setting boundaries and honouring myself, I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness

Top of head: I was afraid to say “no”

Eyebrow: they might have abandoned me

Side of eye: they might have become angry

Under eye: it felt too uncomfortable to say “no”

Under nose: it was easier to compromise my needs

Chin: I lost my voice

Collarbone: and I want to forgive myself for that

Under arm: it’s time to reclaim my voice

Liver: I’m letting go of feeling the need to compromise

Wrists: and I’m open to the possibility I can use my voice and still be loved

Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind.