The EFT Healing Centre Blog
May 9, 2012
Last month, when I was a speaker at the EFT Gathering in Ontario, I talked about a turning point in my life when I had stepped into vulnerability, and allowed myself to be fully authentic. I explained how the decision to finally be true to myself, and be completely open and honest, had transformed my marriage, my friendships, my business, and my perspective of myself. It was healing on a massive scale!
You see, in 2009, I had reached a point where I was simply “functioning.” I felt unheard, unsupported, and overwhelmed. Because it was all too much, I had disconnected from myself.
I had molded and shaped myself to be someone I thought I had to be: an EFT Practitioner who ‘walked the talk’; who was perfect and “shouldn’t” have problems of her own; who had to be well at all times and soldier on.
I was hiding behind a mask, and I was there for everyone else, yet I’d forgotten about me – who I was, and what I was passionate about. There was no joy, no ease, and no affluence.
I described myself to the audience at the EFT Gathering as being in a very long tunnel, desperately looking for that light at the end of it, only there was no light; not even a flicker.
Have you been in that place?
Once I’d realised that I had completely disconnected from myself, and I was living lie, I was pained beyond belief. And yet it was the biggest gift I could have given myself because I knew there was only one option: to be vulnerable, express my true feelings, and open up to the people around me so they knew how I was feeling, and who I was. I won’t pretend it was easy, but as I mentioned, that decision led to deep healing, on a massive scale.
For me, it’s now very clear: in order to experience fully radiant health, we must be authentic; otherwise we are simply pushing down our true feelings, soldiering on, and creating dis-ease.
If you desire to be truly you, then you may find the following tapping transcript helpful. If you are new to EFT, click on tapping points to view a map of the meridian points.
Even though I want to be ‘me’ and it’s not safe to be ‘me’, I want to accept who I am and how I’m feeling about this
Even though I’m unsure who ‘me’ is because I’ve been this way for so long, I can accept myself for the courage it takes to say that
Even though they might not like it if I’m ‘me’, what if I like it if I’m me, and what if THAT is what truly matters?
Head: I really do want to be myself
Eyebrow: I want them to see me for who I truly am
Side of eye: but that makes me feel uncomfortable
Under eye: I feel very unsafe about that
Under nose: they make not like it
Chin: they make think I’m getting too big for my boots
Collarbone: maybe I won’t like being me?
Under arm: maybe I will!
Liver: maybe I’ll LOVE being me!
Wrists: but I don’t even know who ‘me’ is anymore
Head: I’ve been this way for a long time now
Eyebrow: maybe I’ll just stay this way
Side of eye: it seems to be working
Under eye: no, it isn’t!
Under nose: I am functioning in life
Chin: I’m soldiering on
Collarbone: and suddenly that doesn’t seem to be enough
Under arm: I deserve more than this
Liver: I’m curious to know what being ‘me’ would feel like
Wrists: I’m ready to experience the joy, ease and affluence of who I truly am!
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind and remember, allowing yourself to be vulnerable allows you to connect with your authentic self.
April 4, 2012
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling squeezed for time as you whirl around from one chore to another trying to accomplish everything you need to do? Does that leave you with no time for you? If you’re nodding your head it’s time to step out of the time squeeze machine and step into the ME time machine.
I was working with one of my EFT clients recently and she was telling me about all the things she had to do in her life. The topic of breathing came up, and I asked her to take a breath in that moment. She told me it was very shallow. We immediately tapped on her being so busy that she couldn’t possibly take the time to breathe. Of course, this opened up a discussion, and much tapping and Matrix Re-imprinting around why she felt so squeezed in her life, why she was so busy, and why she avoided time for herself.
Because of old programming, and the “frantic energy” in which she grew up, there appeared to be no other way of moving through life. It wasn’t safe for her to spend time looking after herself and focusing on her needs; she had to stay vigilant, anticipate and prepare.
I am observing that one of my patterns is to over-extend myself and assume I have more time than I do in reality. That leaves me feeling very squeezed and uncomfortable!
If this is a familiar pattern for you, then I hope you find this month’s tapping transcript useful.
If you are new to EFT, click on tapping points to view a map of the meridian points.
Even though I’m feeling squeezed for time, I want to accept myself anyway because I’m doing my best
Even though I feel pressurized to complete everything, I want to accept who I am and how I’m feeling
Even though I don’t have the time to breathe because life is so busy, I choose to feel safe enough to breathe deeply and expansively, because I know I can
Head: I’m feeling squeezed for time
Eyebrow: there’s so much to do
Side of eye: I’ve over-extended myself again
Under eye: and I don’t have enough time to do it all
Under nose: I feel so pressurized
Chin: and this is very uncomfortable
Collarbone: so I’m starting to wonder what could happen if I felt safe enough to take a breath
Under arm: and then another one
Liver: in a very calm, and easy, way
Wrists: just allowing the breath to flow
Head: I’ve decided to focus on my breath for a moment
Eyebrow: and the more I focus on my breath
Side of eye: the more expansive I feel
Under eye: and the less squeezed I feel
Under nose: and the more I’m open to letting go
Chin: of all the ‘musts’, ‘shoulds’, and ‘have tos’
Collarbone: It feels unfamiliar to focus on me
Under arm: and yet I’m finding it surprisingly energising!
Liver: Now I’ve allowed myself some time for me
Wrists: I feel calm, confident, spacious, and ready to move forward.
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind.
November 9, 2011
Being present, here, in the moment is how we experience and live life to its fullest. I know that. You know that.
But … do you ever feel like you’re juggling about 15 balls at once? It’s hard to be “present” to be “here” when there is so much internal ‘stuff’ going on; such a long ‘to do’ list, so many things that need your attention.
Last week, I was talking to my EFT friend, Tami Close, about being present and what that means. She reminded me that when children are at school and the attendance register is read out, they are asked to call out, “Here!” That got me thinking about what it means to be ‘here’ and what we miss out on when we are not fully ‘here’ in a given moment.
There’s been a lot going on for me recently: organizing and hosting the EFT Gathering in Vancouver, holding my AAMET workshops, and preparing for Sharon King’s Matrix & Birth Reimprinting workshops in a few weeks. Although I’ve been juggling those balls, when it’s time to work with my clients, I am fully ‘here’ and for each 90 minute session, I am present and connected to them. Everything else goes over ‘there’.
With the holidays approaching, and all the balls that need to be juggled, I thought the following tapping would be useful.
Even though I can’t focus on one task, I accept myself anyway
Even though there are too many balls to juggle and I don’t know what to do first, I am doing my best and I accept myself
Even though it’s hard to be fully present in any moment, I’m willing to be as present as I can be and maybe that’s enough
Top of head: I’m not fully ‘here’
Eyebrow: there is so much to think about
Side of eye: so much to accomplish
Under eye: I feel out of balance
Under nose: I’m not present
Chin: I wonder what it would take to be in balance
Collarbone: I wonder what it would take to be present, just for a moment
Under arm: I deserve to experience that sensation
Liver: I’m ready to find it surprisingly easy to be ‘here’
Wrists: and to observe what that is like, even for a moment.
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your mind.
The art of juggling balls is not only the ability to keep them up in the air, but to give each landing ball your touch and acknowledgement of its “being present – being here” right at your fingertips whether that be for 90 minutes or nine!
September 9, 2011
The simple act of clearing clutter from your environment can bring balance into your life.
Recently, I recorded a podcast with Scott on Clearing the Clutter and what causes the clutter in the first place.
Clutter has different levels: from general mess and disorganization in the home, office or car, to an unwillingness to throw away things, to not clearing up after yourself, and a messy appearance, to complete chaos. The final level is usually when the person feels unable to do anything about the situation, and is frozen.
Whenever I get really busy, my office becomes the place in which everything piles up: post-it notes everywhere, piles of hand written notes, and to do lists. This sucks my energy and I know it actually slows down the way I work. On the plus side, I have a visual of what needs to be done in front of me, so there’s a sense of being ‘in control’.
Did you know that most usually, clutter is a control issue?
Being unwilling to let go of ‘stuff’ is a way for someone to feel in control of at least a part of their life, although to an observer, it could appear as though they are totally out of control.
And this is where EFT comes in.
Clutter is the symptom, as is the loss of control, or fears around letting go of the ‘stuff’, so we need to get to the underlying cause and neutralize that.
With EFT, we can go back to the beginning, and determine the time when the person started to feel a loss of control, or power, and tap around that time.
So, if you know you are hoarding things and you want to feel a sense of freedom do the following:
- Consider a time or series of events in the past when you felt powerless, traumatized, or fearful – a time in which you felt like you had no control.
- Give that time a title and notice how your body feels as you recall it, and what the intensity level is (SUDs).
- Tap on that time until you feel you have released all the negative emotions associated with it, and you feel neutral about what happened.
- Then focus on the current clutter in your life and if any fears come up around letting go of the ‘stuff’ then tap on those fears.
- Then decide on what it is that you want: how do you want your home/office/car/appearance to look? Write it down.
- Consider how you’d feel when you have what you want. Really get specific, so rather than “I’d feel happy”, how about “free, exhilarated, determined, motivated” and so on. Write down your answers.
- Now think about how your life would be different when you have what you want: What would you be able to accomplish? How would you perceive the world? Write down all the answers that come up for you.
- Read aloud what you’ve written down and notice any body responses as you hear your words, and especially notice any tail-enders that come up. For example, “that would never happen because…”, or “the last time I lived my life like that, this negative event happened…”.
- Then tap on all those things standing in your way, blocking you from living a clutter-free life.
- When you have neutralized those, read through your statement again and notice if anything comes up which could impede your success and tap away those remaining tail-enders.
Now you are free to start enjoying a life free of clutter!
June 30, 2011
When we use EFT, much of our success depends on the words we use as we tap.
When my clients are new to EFT, they will often say, “I don’t know what to say when I tap!” It’s been my experience over the years that they don’t know what to say because they launch into the tapping process without doing the detective work that is necessary beforehand.
Have you ever had this experience? You start with the set-up phrase, and the words are flowing nicely, and then as you start to tap the points on the body, you run out of things to say?
You’re not alone!
Many things in life require preparation: a wonderful meal can take hours of chopping, mixing, baking, and steaming, before it is ready to be served; and a beautiful melody can take days of thought, practice, and fine tuning, before it is ready to be played. The same is true of EFT. It is an incredibly simple protocol to use AND there is some ground work that is necessary before the practical application starts.
So, before you start to tap, grab a pen and paper, and be prepared to write down your thoughts and feelings.
Here are some questions for you to answer which will help you get clear, and give you more than enough to say as you tap:
1. What is the problem?
Remember to be specific here: my EFT colleague, Alina Frank, talks about the Who, What, When, and Where of the problem.
For example, ‘my boss yelled at me this morning in front of my co-workers’.
As opposed to ‘my boss always makes me feel small and unimportant’, which will have multiple aspects since it happens on a regular basis.
2. How does that feel in my body?
For example, ‘my stomach is churning’, ‘my shoulders are tight’, or ‘my solar plexus is numb’.
This is a useful way of checking to see if the problem is resolving – the body will start to relax as you tap, and the sensations will ease.
3. What is the emotion I feel now about that problem?
For example, angry, belittled, disrespected, betrayed, etc.
4. If the feeling was a picture, what would it look like?
For example, ‘a storm’, ‘a black scribble on a white page’, ‘an empty grey ball’
This is useful for people who learn visually. You may recall a picture you have seen, or you may draw a picture in your mind. Whatever comes up, write it down.
Now you have a lot of content to use as you start tapping. It’s all written down in front of you, so all you have to do is refer to your notes as you tap.
I also suggest you ask this question:
What does this problem remind me of?
Your boss yelling at you might remind you of your teacher embarrassing you in class when you were 8, so it’s important to go back to that memory and use the same questions so that you can tap on that memory also.
Now you have done the detective work, you are prepared for tapping, and your success rate will soar. Also, because you have something to say as you tap, you’ll want to tap – and there will be no resistance!
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June 20, 2011
What happens when you’ve cleared a long standing problem with EFT?
Most usually there is a feeling of ease, relief, excitement and even curiosity. Sometimes, it’s as if a void is left in its place. It’s almost as if there is a gap; something is missing now.
The heavy coat. In one of my podcasts recently, Scott and I talked about the gap that is sometimes felt after successful tapping. I suggested it was similar to wearing a thick, heavy coat all winter and spring, so it started to feel like a heavy burden. Then suddenly throwing the coat off in a matter of seconds, so there was an unexpected weightlessness, which felt uncomfortable because it was not familiar.
So, what happens if you guess there probably will be a sense of weightlessness, space or unfamiliarity, once you’ve cleared problems with EFT? That may be enough to prevent you from tapping in the first place! Questions, (AKA resistance!) may arise in your mind.
- Who will I be once I let this problem go completely?
- What if it’s not safe to NOT be angry/grieving/stressed, etc?
- I’ll lose my current identity, and then what will they think?
If these types of questions or concerns come into your mind, write down the answers, and then use that information to tap on. Whatever you’ve written down is probably the reason why you are stuck, still experiencing that memory or limiting belief.
Remember, what we resist, persists. The problem will remain if we are unable to acknowledge it and address it.
Two strong emotions that can be challenging to release are anger and grief.
Here’s something I hear about grief quite a lot from clients: “I have to continue grieving in order to honour the person and acknowledge who they were”.
A good reframe for this as we tap is: Could I joyfully honour the person? Could I acknowledge them in a heartfelt way which brings me joy?
Often I’ll hear this about anger: “I can’t let go of the anger; otherwise they will have won”.
A useful consideration for this as we tap is: Does it have to be about winning? By holding on to this anger, I’m punishing myself and they aren’t even aware of how I’m feeling! What if I could “win” by letting go?
Once you let go of a longstanding emotion, there may be space, or gap which is left. To ensure it’s not filled up with a different stressor, tap in some positive reinforcements, acknowledging the courage it’s taken to release the past; how determined you are; how you love feeling free; how calm and confident you are, and so on.
Be mindful of the gap that is left, and fill that void with healthy acknowledgements of who you are and what you are capable of. Allow your body to feel what it’s like to hear those positive affirmations, and experience the joy!
May 20, 2011
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you simply can’t relate to the people around you or what they’re saying, and you feel completely misunderstood? Perhaps that’s how you feel on a daily basis within your family, or when you’re at work.
From the email feedback I received after my complimentary teleclass last week, “Celebrating the Highly Sensitive Personality”, this seemed to be a common way to feel.
During the teleclass, we talked about and tapped on what it’s like to not fit in and feel unaccepted because other people don’t “get” us. We dissolved the sadness surrounding all this, and celebrated our ability to feel deeply and listen to, and trust, our intuition.
For as long as I can remember I’ve felt like a square peg in a round hole. Through using EFT I now recognise this as a unique gift which allows me to see the world from a different perspective and I hope, use that different perspective to reframe situations for my clients.
The following tapping transcript incorporates some of the thoughts shared on the teleclass which may be helpful to you.
Top of head: I don’t fit in
Eyebrow: People don’t understand me
Side of eye: Just because I feel things so deeply
Under eye: they think something’s wrong with me
Under nose: They just don’t get me
Chin: I’m hurting because of this
Collarbone: and I end up criticising myself
Under arm: Maybe there is something wrong with me
Top of head: No, there isn’t!
Eyebrow: There is something very right with me!
Side of eye: It’s right that I care about things this much
Under eye: It’s good I feel so deeply
Under nose: I want to appreciate these parts of me
Chin: and acknowledge them as gifts
Collarbone: Because I’m so intuitive
Under arm: others will benefit from my strengths
Now close your eyes and take a deep but comfortable breath. You might need to repeat this process or feel free to change the wording so it applies to how you really feel. The phrases you use are simply a way of outwardly expressing how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be creative or get hung up on finding the “perfect” wording – just state what’s on your min
April 28, 2011
I had a great conversation with my Level 1 graduates last night during a group coaching call. Several things were discussed which I thought I’d share with you because once again, I was reminded of the importance of supervised learning. How essential it is to receive feedback on your EFT application as you gain experience, and before you start working on more complex issues.
One of the students said she was using EFT with someone and she had addressed all the ‘table legs’ (I talked about this earlier in the month, and you can read it here on my blog post). She had identified the core issue, the ‘table top’, and after tapping on that, the person told her she still felt unfulfilled.
Because my student is new to EFT, she was unsure what to do next. I suggested in a situation like that, tap using the words the ‘client’ had said, i.e.
“Even though I’m feeling unfulfilled right now, I want to accept all of me anyway”
Why?
Because that was how the ‘client’ was feeling, that was what she was focused on, and that was the information she had given. As the facilitator, it is our job to “feed back” the information the client has already given us, as we tap the points. We don’t have to be mind readers!
Also, most usually, as we tap on what is at the surface, more thoughts, insights or feelings will come up – and all of this can be tapped on and cleared.Something else that came up in the discussion was when to skip using the Set Up. The purpose of the Set Up is to override Psychological Reversal (PR), and because it is so quick to do, I always encourage my students and clients to incorporate the Set Up in their tapping routines anyway – just in case PR is present.
When do we not need to include the Set Up?
If you are experiencing an emotion very intensely, e.g. shaking with anger, or desperate with sadness, you can jump straight in, tapping on the points on the face and body. Likewise, if you are in extreme pain, go straight to the points. You are already connected to the experience, both consciously and subconsciously. It is unlikely that, regarding this aspect at least, you are psychologically reversed.
We also discussed the importance of getting ourselves out of the way when we are working with someone else. When you are new to EFT and using it to release old limiting beliefs and hurtful memories, you may be easily triggered by the problems of the person you are helping.
If you are planning on helping others with EFT (and that is most usually the reason why people come to my workshops), then make sure you are also helping yourself by working through your own challenges and hurts. That way, you won’t react to, and be hooked into, the other person’s story when you hear it, and you won’t be drawn into giving advice or sharing your stories.
Taking these tips into consideration, you’ll get even greater EFT results!
March 6, 2011
The work I do with many of my clients involves connecting to the inner child, honouring her, and speaking up for her.
At the end of an EFT session recently, when my client had been connecting to her little one, I asked her if she would consider writing a poem through the eyes of her inner child about a particular memory.
She agreed and what she emailed me was so beautiful that I asked her if I could share it on my blog, and she agreed!
Ecstasy in the cloudburst
(as we all walk back to the bank after our lunch break around the table of grandma)
hot summer day filled with
the excitement of the shower in preparation
hot soil
hot concrete
hot air
huge, fat, warm drops
tapping on our heads, noses and lips
then the sudden outburst of the clouds,
down pouring warm water
barefoot in the puddles
freely chasing fun in the warm
water swelling and running then overflowing at the
sidewalk bricks
it is not a shower, not a downpour
it is a cloudburst!
howling, screaming in ecstasy,
running from growing puddles to puddles
overflowing everything
enjoy the touch of the warm flow of fresh, exalted water
on our hair and skin
we all are in bikinis, swimming suits on the streets
the touch of the mixture of sensations,
thunderbolts and lightening
the frenetic sound, majestic noise
of downpour – as the water is hitting the leaves, the concrete
and anything,
the gentle but powerful twinkling on our sole and feet while
devouring the strokes of hot water splashes
and the touch of the soft warm concrete
the visual marvel of the dancing, fluctuating water-curtains
fluid water-walls
the sparks in our eyes
the laughter of overflowing joy and
the absolute freedom of the moment
I secretly enjoy something else as well
now we all resonate together – adults and children -
we all are drunk with joy
upheld by the skin of Mother Earth beneath
soaked by the warmth of watery strokes of Father Heaven above
exalted by the magnificent cosmic concert grandioso
convinced once again that Nature is above human (the un-awakened)
secretly in admiration to Her I bow
Kripamaya
February 16, 2011
Last week in my blog post, I was considering what it meant to be the “best”, and how we knew when we’d accomplished it. I suggested that rather than it being about receiving acknowledgement, perhaps it was more to do with being completely connected to who we are, and what we are doing in that moment.
My client had been supervising a group of students and consistently drew a blank, having very little to contribute to the discussion. Deep down, he knew the information well but perhaps because there was a level of expectation upon him, no thoughts would come.
He’d previously told me that he was driven to be the best in all situations, yet he was fully aware that the “best”, whatever that was, was unattainable. All this left him filled with dread and anxiety.
I asked him when he believed he had been at this best in the past. His face lit up and it was easy for him to recollect – it was a time in his life when he was doing what he wanted to do; a time when he had something to say that he was passionate about; a time when he “felt alive”.
The passion he felt for what he was doing was far greater than any fear he had about what he was doing.
Did he receive applause and praise for what he was doing? Yes! And did that feel great? Yes! But what he remembers more than any of that external stimulus was how much he loved life at that time, and how invigorated he was.
To me, that is someone living at their best, thriving, and positively affecting the lives of others around them.
The next time you hear your self-criticism playing, take a moment to recall when you last felt really passionate about what you were doing – when you felt alive – and notice the change in your physiology as you remember what that was like. It will completely shift your vibration.
Then you can begin to recreate that wonderful experience of being at your best all over again in the present time.