The EFT Healing Centre Blog
May 12, 2010
Do you find yourself putting others first no matter the cost to yourself?
Is it common for you to disregard your own needs?
Are you often berating yourself because you could have done better this time?
Do the words “should”, “must” and “have to” come up in your daily thoughts?
If you answered ‘yes’, then perhaps it’s time to treat YOU with as much kindness as you’d treat your loved ones, family or friends!
I was working with a new client last week, and as we tapped on the set up, I asked her to repeat, “Even though all of what I’ve said could be true, I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness”. She couldn’t say those words. Her throat closed up and the words were stuffed down. She admitted she had never considered the concept of treating herself with kindness.
It’s often easy to treat those around us with kindness and look out for their needs, yet at the same time, we forget about how we deserve to be treated.
So how do you deserve to be treated?
Consider your answer for a moment. Then ask yourself, ‘Am I treating myself in this way?”
Chances are, you believe you could be __________, should still be ____________, you’re too ____________, or you’re not ___________ enough.
Tapping on this…
- Start by acknowledging whatever just came up, e.g.
“Even though I’m too sensitive”, or
“Even though I’m still in an unfulfilling job” or
“Even though I’m not pretty enough”
and complete the set up with
“…I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness anyway”.
- Notice the emotion that arises when you say this second part.
Is it hard to say?
Have you ever considered such a concept?
Does it feel uncomfortable thinking of being kind to yourself, of all people?
- Then tap on how saying “…I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness anyway” makes you feel, e.g.,
“Even though it’s hard for me to treat myself with kindness, I’m open to the possibility I could”, or
“Even though I don’t deserve to treat myself with kindness because of what I did/said, I accept the part of me which believes this to be true”.
- Notice the language you use; your ‘self-talk’. Your body listens and holds on to such messages. Each time you hear yourself criticizing something you’ve done or haven’t done, or putting yourself down in some way, tap the karate chop point, and say, “I’m willing to treat myself with a little more kindness anyway”. Then notice how much lighter you feel!
I’d love to hear your results! Please comment below on how well this technique worked for you.
4 Comments »
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Thanks for this, Annabel. I’ve been meaning to tap on my reluctance to say “no” to people, and my feeling that I’m responsible for the happiness of others, but kept forgetting. But this tied in beautifully, and I don’t have that knot in my stomach anymore. Nice, very nice!
Comment by Elsa — May 13, 2010 @ 9:44 am
Hi Elsa,
I’m so pleased this was useful – and timely – for you! Sometimes, because of our programming, it’s very difficult to say “no” to others, and to feel we are responsible for their happiness and wellbeing.
It’s been my experience that real emotional freedom comes when there is ‘less of the yes’ (as I call it), and more of the belief that I deserve the same amount of happiness as them, and my needs deserve to be a priority too.
This doesn’t mean I dismiss their needs; rather, it means my needs are as valid as theirs.
Shifting to this way of thinking creates really strong boundaries, and ultimately, greater health. Definitely a bonus!
Comment by admin — May 13, 2010 @ 3:31 pm
Annabel, I found a juicy issue that is hard to clear for me so far, I amnot able to be kinder becasue i feel i don’t desereve more kindnes. kindness was showed supposed ly to those who worked to deserve it, I was supposed to work more nad harder and make more money and I failed at that . I chose to be a artists and I am still not making enough sustyainable income and I free lance but still struggle with money and moneymanagement, i alos fel shame andit ids ahrtd to ie myself kindness when I feel shame. Tears come up quickly. I feel Like a poor orole model for my daughter and I feel m our son condemns me becaseu inam not a high weearner lik ehis dad( we divorced a year ago too(after 31 years).Stuck, busy ,but stuck,.
Linda Howe
Comment by Linda Howe — May 16, 2010 @ 7:20 pm
Hi Linda,
many thanks for your message. What you have written is something I hear a lot from client I work with. “We must work hard to ‘deserve kindness’”. You followed your passion, you were committed, and maybe, just maybe, it went against the understanding of those around you. It’s not a matter of right or wrong.
However difficult, treating ourselves with kindness, can ease the burden, and when we have a moment to reflect upon the the true meaning of this, can offer us real freedom.
In any given moment, under the circumstances, we are doing our best.
Comment by admin — May 16, 2010 @ 7:46 pm